I’m glad to see this summer pass on into the infinite past. It hasn’t been an easy one. It’s strange when circumstances become, all at once, tragic and blessed. It can be hard to reconcile two opposites with the same energy – each remain two entities traveling along parallel lines, absent of each other, with the silent burden of trying to reconcile.

Loss is hard to bear and I find myself lingering needlessly in survival mode, doing only the bare minimal to make it through. Except I’m already through it, Fall is heavily upon us and Winter soon approaching. How long am I going to linger here?

It’s not so easy to do a thing if necessity isn’t fueling the motivation. So I find myself just here. Wistful, processing; blessed with a great many roads to take, cursed with a great many roads to take….

Maybe it’s time to choose one path…but I hate the idea of losing all the other roads.

I hate the idea of loss.

I need to unfix my position on the map. Perhaps if the one path doesn’t satiate then I can find my way back through the woods…perhaps not. Either is better than just standing here. Right?

I know, I know, marriage would alleviate so many multiple movements forward, clear the peripheral to some extent and bring the benefit of ‘2 putting 10,000 to flight’, albeit, there is the complexity of the human being which then must be taken into account. Nevertheless, I feel the approach of one to share my life with drawing nearer. Whether he is before me on one of these paths or behind me moving at a quicker pace I cannot tell. Maybe I’ll hide as he passes me by–

God will lead the way forward, opening doors I didn’t know existed and closing all the peripheral distractions. He remains steadfast beyond the confusion of the season stirring within my soul.

I’ll find the path His light is illuminating and forsake all the rest. What credit would there be in following my own path and losing my life? So instead I’ll lose all my paths and gain His life. That’s a better proposition.

Featured Image by Ales Krivec