Category: Love:: Lifestyle:: Health

Embracing Minimalism

On By Ashley GatewoodIn Love:: Lifestyle:: HealthLeave a comment

After seeking the best way to simplify my life and clear my thinking so that it’s easier to be creative and in a flow, I’ve decided to embrace a partial minimalistic approach to my house including the arrangement of things within it. My house seems to function as a larger landscape of my cognitive functions. So it’s as if my mind is narrowing my environment for me, it’s providing an answer in a way, one I’ve been seeking for awhile.

Sounds ridiculous perhaps but I can’t seem to get away from the idea that sometimes we need to simplify and clear away extra distractions and clutter in our physical environment in order to find an inner calm conducive to creativity and receptivity.

My house is organized now, but that’s not really the point.

Sometimes inflowing and outflowing doors start closing, or narrowing, because God has something to say for which He needs our full attention. Distractions must go.

Minimal Social Media

This frame of mind is spilling over into social media as well. I’ve been taking more time to read the word of God and pray and the more I do this the more I’m pulled to cut ties with social media. I’m not sure how much but I can’t ignore the need to let go of it increasingly right now. I think more and more people are feeling the same.

We never know what is coming down the pipeline but God knows all things. Sometimes we need only obey what we are understanding God to be speaking to us. We never know how we might affect someone in a positive life-changing way and I’m thinking it is only best to take care of ourselves in order to better serve others. Attention is a valuable asset, both to have and to give.

Social media can be a complete, energy-zapping distraction at times.

Inspiration to Gain Traction

Also, the challenge and vision of minimalism is one of the few things that has sparked my curiosity and given me some small amount of inspiration and motivation to manage my surroundings. I don’t even understand that exactly, or why that’s so, but it’s what I feel so I shall move forward with it. Every room in my house, without variation, is off-white. Blah…

Time to clear some things out so my mind and relationship with God also will benefit. I like the idea. I don’t think one has to become the true essence of minimalism, but using it to make some small steps forward will be wholly beneficial. And plants, lots of green living plants:)

Featured Image by Samantha Gades.

Hiking the Gorge

On By Ashley GatewoodIn Love:: Lifestyle:: HealthLeave a comment

Went hiking this past week with some friends up in Red River Gorge. The day was perfectly sunny, coolish wind and the views were amazing. Here are a few photos I snapped along the way, hope you enjoy:)

The fall colors matched my dear friend’s backpack so well, I had to take a snapshot.

Copperhead Snake…they are no joke, poisonous but are happy to stay off the path and in the brush. This one had a friend off to the side which we failed to notice. Bad move on our part!

Moss is so interesting, I could dive into this little wonder here…

We stopped in to Sky Bridge Station for a delish meal. Nothing there is bad, yummy~

Back into a Painting Mood

The cooler weather gets me in the mood for reading and painting. I’ve been writing most of the year and I’m ready for a break. Maybe a few more submissions and I think I’ll tackle a painting that has vexed me for a decade. Just cannot figure out what it wants to be. So, gonna have to just dive into it. It will likely end up a completely different painting…it’s been 10 years since I last touched it. That’s part of the fun, I never know what these horses are going to do…

36″x42″ Acrylic on stretched cotton canvas

Take care everyone, hope you have a delightful week~

Wrestling With Desire: God Can Help Us Connect With Each Other In Healthy Ways

On By Ashley GatewoodIn Love:: Lifestyle:: HealthLeave a comment

Follow this reasoning, ‘get behind me Satan because your mind is not set on the things of God.” What’s the issue of the Cross here?….Jesus brought up the Cross and Peter rebuked Him because it upset their plans, and then Jesus goes right towards the mind, He goes right to the way of thinking. He says ‘your mind is set on the things of man and not the things of God”….Humanity without Christ as the center is demonic in nature.

Bill Johnson

Some Thoughts on Desire and Ways to Handle It

I spent around two hours this morning writing my thoughts on a YouTube video about desire and the problems associated with it as Christians. Instead of it falling into obscurity, I thought I’d flesh it out here in case it may help someone. Only Jesus understands the ferocious battles of desire we have slain and been slain by; the tears we cry and the wrestling we endure to gain victory over the carnal mind.

You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.

Psalm 56.8

Desire Isn’t Always A Bad Thing

Desire can be annoying when we can’t have what we want, but it also can be a signal that something necessary is missing in our life; like what some people experience when they crave ashes because they are lacking some mineral in their body. We aren’t careful enough with desire, to slow down and really listen to it.

The Israelites experienced God’s punishment in the desert for complaining about not having anything but manna to eat, no meat, no vegetables. God sent them quail and with it, a plague.

But while the meat was still between their teeth and before it could be consumed, the anger of the Lord burned against the people, and he struck them with a severe plague.

Numbers 11.33

Personally, I believe that it wasn’t Israel’s desire for meat that was punished. It was the complaining which was born out of ruminating or lusting after the thing which then led to punishment. When craving is what the heart is founded upon, it leads to error. Sometimes we are spoiled, complaining brats in need of correction. Other times we really aren’t understanding what the word means when He says, “I come so that you may have life, and that more abundantly.” 

I wonder why the Israelites didn’t just ask God for meat? Maybe they were still too young in their experiences with God – the spiritual teenage years are so maddening.

One Key To Handling Desire Is Putting God First

I’ve been practicing putting God and the kingdom of God first, then all else will be added to my life at the appropriate time. This is proper order and balance. If you have a desire for something, pray for it and leave it at God’s feet. Easier said than done but one can avoid entering into discontentment, then craving, then sin.

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Matthew 6.33

I’ve learned in all my years to approach abundance as ‘lacking nothing’, or lacking no good thing. Anything over and above I do my best to manage it responsibly and be extravagantly generous with it. This evens out my own temperament and proclivity to be an asshole. 

It’s a matter of the heart because many situations having to do with gratefulness are relative. My cousin is a successful psychotherapist in NY, he founded the Walk and Talk therapy in Central Park back in the nineties. Some of his clients are top 1%. Their problems have to do with managing anger because ‘Fred’ docked his yacht in their prime spot…the bastard. And this is an issue for this particular individual in his demographic. But how many times have I been annoyed (as if I deserved a thing) that I didn’t get to eat at the restaurant I wanted because there were no reservations left or they forgot to write my name in? 

And somewhere there’s a woman who gets only one cup of porridge a day to survive on and no clean water to drink.

Experiencing Desire Can Help Us Be More Grateful

Desire is all about the intent of the heart. Having the desire is not the issue; it informs us perhaps of what we are lacking and need. However, cultivating a life of desire leads to greed and this can destroy our relationships, including and most importantly our relationship with God.

 After experiencing several situations in my life, one including serving two years of missions work on a tiny island in the Pacific Ocean, I understand what Paul says to some small degree:

“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” Philippians 4.12

I can say once I got back to the States, ten years on, I’m always grateful for easy access to any kind of food (or a/c, or water) I could possibly crave. We only crave what we cannot have or are unwilling to pay the price to obtain (and this is a difficult situation when the price to be paid for that which we desire is a cost too great to bear). Otherwise, we’d just figure a way to have it. And it’s in the familiarity, the ‘taking for granted’ that we lose respect and gratefulness for what we have. 

Here’s another post I wrote on sexual desire within relationships; it’s best experienced within the union of marriage, otherwise, it could burn our entire lives down:

A Seal Upon Your Heart

And what about when it’s the people around us who are changing but we aren’t keeping up? The motives and intentions of the heart can be deceiving. We want the best for loved ones but then we find ourselves ungrateful (or complaining) that we don’t experience the same.

Learn To Pray For The Things You Desire, It Will Bring Balance

And then sometimes, we have to let go in order to gain…balance, you know? And Paul’s sentiment is good for anytime in our lives, it really is about balance and contentment in any and all circumstances we find ourselves in and trusting God to fulfill the desires of our heart in due time. 

“Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37.4

Our desires aren’t all bad – sometimes God will put that desire in us so that we might pray and bring it to fruition. Maybe like a spinoff of Cain and Abel: the desire is produced but instead of offering it to God so that He may bless it and it become a blessing to us, we run with it and keep it for ourselves in which case it becomes putrid and makes us sick. Other times we aren’t ready for what we desire and we’d only lose it because the proper foundation to sustain that thing hasn’t been solidified. Especially if we haven’t learned how to keep God in the top place. To be caught off guard complaining and highly satiated – we’ll end up sick. Gratefulness is a soothing medication. 

God Is A Rewarder Of Those Who Diligently Seek Him; Remember All That He Has Done

And let us never forget! Call into remembrance all that He has given when we didn’t deserve it; and that God is a great rewarder for faithfulness on our part. Job received double for all his difficulties at the end of the day. Joshua and Caleb were the only two who saw the Promised Land due to remaining faithful when all others were faithless.  He’s so generous in fact that He causes us to reap pressed down, shaken together and running over. I do not apologize for these blessing of abundance on my life, because I understand the cost to me and to Christ! And this cultivates a heart of thankfulness and gratefulness.

Featured Image by Gaspar Uhas.

Nature Frees the Soul

On By Ashley GatewoodIn Love:: Lifestyle:: Health1 Comment

Headed south this past weekend with a friend to enjoy a break from the everyday mundane obligations of life. Stayed in a cabin built by the record breaking rock climber Hans Florines. It’s nestled in Muir Valley in Red River Gorge.

February turned Springlike here in Kentucky and we wandered out into nature to breathe the fresh mountain air and enjoy the found wonders.

Nature is visually tactile and unexpected. The softness and texture play off one another well.

The dampness, the smell of rich earth crumbling down over the leaves and the soft furriness of the moss pads growing through the decaying leaves is a tiny microcosm of solitude. The random complementary colors of green and red against each other was an especially enjoyable treat to behold.

Will be leaving for Florida soon. Traveling down to see first hand the devastation of Ian. I had a small place right in the eye of the storm but miraculously, it suffered little damage. Lost the Jeep, but that’s a small price to pay compared to what many lost, including loved ones. My father will be on my mind, he loved the place dearly. I miss him.

Did you notice the tiny red seed to the right of the golden rock? It’s as if they are aware of each other’s presence yet both seemingly frozen within a sea of green waves clapping between them. Maybe they’ll make their way to each other one day.

And maybe they won’t.

This fragile and spindly root is clinging tenaciously to a shattered piece of wood. There is a delightful airiness to its tiny root system. It’s not going to give up.

Sometimes the darker places give us a cool moment to be introspective and peaceful. A respite from all the clatter of daily life.

Until next time, all you beautiful people, go say hello to nature and free your soul for a time~

Complexities of the Human Being and the Implications of Marriage pt. 2

On By Ashley GatewoodIn Love:: Lifestyle:: HealthLeave a comment

 …“the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.”

Attachment

Let’s face it, if two friends can have their souls knitted together because of how they feel toward one another, how much more are two people romantically involved going to be knit together?

We are complicated, complex creations with layers of habits, addictions, quirks and adorable (sometimes annoying?) personality traits. When two people form an attachment, all their layers become one layer, together, intermingled. Soul, spirit (and body in sexual relations). But it’s not so beautifully descriptive if ever the two want to part ways. It’s more like a messy destructive entanglement than a flowing heavenly connectedness.

I think this is why we really weren’t created to be with more than one other person, monogamously. God understood the beauty of becoming one and the devastation it brings when something that is together must now separate, when there is no distinction between the two anymore. I can’t imagine. It hurts bad enough just losing a friend, like David and Jonathan, much less when two people become one bound by sexual relations.

(I know, most people don’t think so much – I get it! I like to think, it’s like a past time activity for me. And writing is how I make sense of things sometimes. In no way am I this methodical in real life.)

Anyway, it becomes more important as a Christian to be mindful of attachment. Let me share these scriptures for reference from 1 Corinthians 6:15-20,

Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.”  But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit.

And again…

Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in you?

1 Corinthians 3.16

So here we have to understand that we are also one with God and that whoever we become one with as a triune being, we then join them with the body of Christ. Now within marriage this is sanctified, true and holy.

Jesus spoke the following,

I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in me, and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.

John 15.5

Because I live, you also will live. On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you.

John 14.20

In order to write about human beings in this way, I have to almost step out of myself to look objectively at human nature and how we interact with one another. But I love talking about it. People are so skittish about the things of God. Why shouldn’t we be curious about Him? Why shouldn’t we desire to draw near to Him?

God is a mystery. But He let’s us catch up to Him sometimes…

Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.

Jeremiah 33.3

Ah! I love Him, I love seeking Him – such a beautiful Person He is.

The Mystery of God

I love peering into the mysteries of the handiwork of God, creation, science, human nature and everything concerning God’s heart. So much inside Him…

I’m there, you are there, in His heart. A heart so big the universe itself cannot expand fast enough to ever fill it – and still – He knows the exact number of every hair on our heads down here on earth. God – indeed He is lovely~

This triune being He has created far exceeds all of mankind’s thoughts about it – we try to define ourselves and who and what we are and want from life – but we can’t clearly form the words, not without His insight.

One must inquire of the Creator to understand the work.

That’s what I’m doing here really, in these posts – inquiring of God about His work. About me, about those around me. That’s all. Just trying to peer into God’s heart~

Don’t Be Afraid to Inquire of God

I love how Jesus wasn’t afraid to just go there sometimes. He spoke knowing people would end up leaving Him, turning their back on Him and walking away. But He spoke the words anyway and didn’t even bother to explain!

John 6:4-5 “Whoever eats My flesh and drinks My blood remains in Me, and I in him.”

vs 66:  From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.

Communion of course was the reference Jesus was making. We know and understand this because we now see clearly into the mirror of the Cross. But at that time they didn’t and thought He was actually referring to flesh and blood.

All of these sayings, all of these things Jesus is speaking of makes it clear to me we are one with the Lord. And this makes me think before doing something stupid just because my carnal nature (that physical fallen nature of the human being) desires something.

He has fashioned us to also be capable of becoming one if we choose to, monogamously with someone else. This is a beautiful experience because it reflects the oneness God shares with us, His creation.

I might might write more about this in a third post sometime.

The Complexities of the Human Being and the Implications of Marriage pt.1

On By Ashley GatewoodIn Love:: Lifestyle:: HealthLeave a comment

Since about 2016, I’ve been thinking about what it would mean for me to share my life with and create a life together with another person. I always said jokingly (but not so much) that I’d meet my forever partner in the nursing home. I have no plans (who does) of needing a nursing home in later life, but the concept that I’d meet this person around 75 years of age was the point.

But perhaps I won’t wait that long. So I have been considering the impact having another person in my life and specifically the impact of becoming one with them would have on my walk with God. My life is so simple – but I’m fiercely complicated in personality.

So, I may decide this is not the right choice for me at all – marriage that is – but there are many ways to go about sharing ones life with another person.

One thing’s for sure, I have done my best to live life for God because after all – no offense married folk – scripture states that the pinnacle of life is remaining single so that we are free to follow God. The pinnacle isn’t marriage. The pinnacle of American society is marriage – though this is also changing rapidly with younger generations who are finding the binding institution of marriage to be stifling and restrictive.

But really, if you want to become one with another human being, there is a price to pay. And there are consequences which are not always pleasant. I think too much, I know. But then again, I make far less mistakes. There are drawbacks to each approach. So far, mine has worked rather well for me. But let’s get into this, shall we?

What Becoming One With Another Person Really Encompasses

Let’s talk for a moment about the human creation. We are triune beings comprised of these three parts: soul, spirit and body.

The Soul:

Now the soul – to further break it down – is comprised of the mind, will and emotions. It is where the human condition arises, where the battleground exists when we think of doing evil or doing good. The battle is in the soul; the mind thinking the thought, the emotions influencing that thought and the will taking control and putting that thought into action, making it a reality.

Soul: Mind

So the soul is the fallen aspect of the human which occurred when sin entered the world. This is why ‘the washing of the water of the word of God’ is so important – renewing the mind is a daily necessity. The soul and the spirit are like bone to marrow – so closely linked that only God’s word can precisely cut between them to decipher thought from intention. If you think that’s easy, try focusing on why you have a particular thought and whether or not that thought is of any premeditated intention (because intentions can lie dormant in the primitive brain which remains hidden from us). Too deep a subject to get into right now.

Soul: Emotions

Continuing with the soul: Emotions are what influence our actions everyday and either help us or hurt us depending on how renewed our thought-life is (i.e. how much of God’s word is in us, how much of God’s knowledge and wisdom we know). Emotions, still part of the fallen aspect, can be a serious issue if we are unable to control them and think through what we are feeling in a more logical way. Emotions are what cause us to do the wrong thing because it feels right at the moment.

Soul: Will

The last aspect of soul is the will. The will is the power behind everything we do. We can will ourselves to do almost anything as long as fear is kept in check. The will is also part of that fallen state that must be continually renewed – it’s not a one-time deal (there is only one, one-time deal which we’ll get to in a moment.)

The will is what started the building of the Tower of Babel for instance. God said, ‘when they put their minds together in unity, there is nothing they cannot accomplish’. We are such fragile beings, yet because we are made in the image of God, we are the most powerful creation He has made – albeit, without the Holy Spirit, the angels would be more powerful than humans because we still exist in this natural world (ah! but this is another topic altogether! Maybe I’ll write about it sometime.)

The Spirit:

Now the spirit is the true and everlasting part of our triune being. In billions of people, their spirit lies dormant within them because only God can give life to our spirit. (God breathed the breath of life into Adam.) Spiritual death is both life and death apart from God. This is not where you want to be – Christ is the answer to spiritual death. “I am the way the truth and the life. Apart from me you can do nothing”. Listen to how Jesus talks about the human condition and how he remedies all of it:

John 6:35 (paraphrased): I am the bread of life…The bread that I will give is my flesh for the life of the world and he who eats of this bread s/he shall live forever, s/he shall not die.

John 11:25 I am the resurrection and the life. Anyone who believes in me will live, even after dying.

This is profound! It is what many intellectuals and scientists long for, eternal life, immortality. But they reject it as coming from a Superior Being as they would call Him. Eternal life cannot be provided by any other means outside of spiritual salvation. This requires Jesus Christ – and this is the world’s stumbling block.

One-Time Deal

The spirit is not in need of renewal but it does need to be fed, so-to-speak, by the word of God. The word is likened to bread, or sustenance which we must eat in order to live. Without the word of God, the spirit will be too weak to contend with the soul (our fallen nature) and we will sin. Ah, the kerfuffle of the Christian walk, the soul always longing for the desires of this world which wrestles against the nature of God and spirit. Thank God for the blood of His Son that redeemed us in spite of our sin nature.

The spirit is the only part of us that gets a one-time deal on life. Once you received Jesus Christ as your savior, there is nothing else that needs to be done. Christ is the only one-time deal, praise God for Him! To understand more about this, you may read this post The Difference Between Righteousness and Holiness.

Now let’s move on to the third aspect of the human being.

The Body:

The body is our tent. It’s what houses all these complex intricacies of mind, will, emotion and spirit. It gives form to the human species and is also fashioned in the likeness of God. Our body is what makes all that we are in soul and spirit autonomous and able to move freely and have our being on this earth. The body is the physical aspect of who we are and the part of us that is mortal.

The human body is passing away – even so, the whole world is at this moment already passing away, temporal and not to be invested in. We are sojourners belonging to the eternal kingdom of God but finding ourselves inhabiting a temporal earth; we are everlasting, immortal beings born into the world for only a time and to save as many as we can that His will in heaven might come to pass on earth. Selah~

To be continued in Part 2

Next time, we will talk about how we are one with God as Jesus describes it in the vine and the branches teaching and how this relates to becoming one with another person. We’ll talk about the interesting statement Paul made concerning the human body being ‘the temple of the living God’ – wow! – and how this also relates to becoming one with another person.

For now, I’ll leave you with a most interesting statement Jesus made, which also caused many of his followers to stumble and stop following him. This stuff isn’t for lazy religious Christians. It’s for those who want to truly understand God and know who they were created to be in God.

John 6:4-5 “Whoever eats My flesh and drinks My blood remains in Me, and I in him.”

Now hold on, don’t fall away yet. It’s just starting to get interesting…

Until next time…

Featured Photo by The Humantra

Love Others (as You Love Yourself)

On By Ashley GatewoodIn Love:: Lifestyle:: Health1 Comment

To love oneself isn’t a bad thing. It is loving yourself according to 1 Corinthians 13. This is not the kind of love the world has when they make loving the SELF central to all existence.

I’m not referring to that. The SELF is not the center. JESUS is the center, Jesus said, “Love your neighbor AS YOURSELF.” So if loving yourself doesn’t matter, then we won’t have much love for others. Right?

I mean, if you hate yourself or can’t forgive yourself or are angry at yourself or impatient with yourself, then you will also be these things to your neighbor and anyone else in your life, even your friends and family.

How can you love others without first loving you? We should love ourselves according to 1 Corinthians 13 – this is biblical. This kind of love is only possible through Christ by asking Him to help us understand this level of love, free of the human condition. This is attainable by the power of the Holy Spirit and keeping as close to God as we can,

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

This level of love is attainable, but only with the help of the Holy Spirit. I pray we all gain a deeper understanding of this kind of love that never fails..

Featured image by Debby Hudson 

Love is the Freedom to Let Go

On By Ashley GatewoodIn Love:: Lifestyle:: HealthLeave a comment

How to stop controlling and start loving

The freedom to love and be loved without fear is an internal work we can do with God’s help. It will eliminate the need to control others in order to keep them from getting too close or to keep them from leaving. One can freely let people come into their life or go out of our life without feeling broken. The connections which remain are more secure, nourishing and real when we learn to love and let go of our fears.

Love that controls is selfish in that it seeks to protect the controller. Keeping someone at a distance so we don’t get hurt and shackling someone to us so they can’t leave isn’t love, it’s fear-based anxiety. And it only causes more anxiety because, alas!, we can’t control other people.

One way we can let go of our fears is by accepting them and not being overly fearful of being hurt. In-other-words, we may know what it feels like to be abandoned or rejected and accept that it hurts. But we can also understand that we are worth it. Finding true meaningful connections is worth trying and losing sometimes throughout the course of life.

Identifying the source of controlling behavior

Controlling others in order to keep ourselves from getting hurt stems from two pressure points:

  1. The fear of intimacy – getting too close to those we love, thus risking hurt
  2. The fear of abandonment or rejection – a direct hit to our self worth

God’s love will envelope both of these fears, I promise you. But we have to yield to Him and let Him do the work within us to learn that people come and go and our worth isn’t based on their decisions.

What we sometimes don’t realize is this; if there is anyone who does not deem us worthy to be with them or part of their lives, we never question if maybe it’s because they shouldn’t be or at least, not yet. If God is making you wait, it means He hasn’t said ‘no’, but get busy while your waiting and improve yourself. it may just be that God has something better for us. Let’s stop giving people power to set our value. God’s already set our value: we are worth the blood of His Son, Jesus Christ. Priceless.

Every one makes judgments, as we all should, just make sure you aren’t directly tying your self worth and self esteem to someone else’s judgment of you. This is co-dependent behavior. The ultimate correction to this is putting God first, and not another human being above God. Codependency is a form of idol worship, hands down! Don’t do it. It will crush you and your relationships.

How to recover and learn to love again

Moreover, we can make it a choice that losing isn’t going to harden our hearts but instead, we can learn from bad experiences and keep our hearts soft and palpable.

Do you think that’s weak?

On the contrary, when we are weak we build walls and turn cold. The truly strong person is the one who is able to dust themselves off from a huge disappointment and go on to love again, completely open and vulnerable. It’s called endurance. It’s called courage. It requires staying humble and understanding our worth and value.

Is that difficult? Sure it is, but it reaps far greater rewards.

And we don’t have to do this inner work alone. God’s love can help us stay warm and positive in our relations with others. We as humans are defensive by nature as a form of self-preservation. It’s our ego that betray us because we can’t see our true worth. When we understand our true worth, then we know we are complete and lacking nothing. No one else can complete us. God will bring the right one to compliment us, but never to complete us. This is codependent behavior when we think we aren’t whole without someone else. It’s also idolatry. But more on that later.

A great article here if you want more on how to eliminate defensive behavior in your life and relationships.

Protecting ourselves from the pain of heartache

Should we not worry about protecting ourselves? I think we should protect ourselves – but not by worrying about getting hurt or trying to control our circumstances to yield less hurtful results. That’s exhausting.

Let’s go about it with a totally different mindset: put God first, serve others, do our best in relationships to be open and caring and know that anyone who stays is genuine, and anyone who leaves is not meant for us. Our lives are God’s tapestry work, some threads come in and go out of the tapestry, others are worked throughout the entire tapestry of our lives.

God knows what He’s doing. When we try to manipulate outcomes, keep people stuck and unable to leave or push people out because we are afraid, we are getting in His way and hurting ourselves and others. He knows what is best for you and me – He cares about every big thing and small thing that concerns you. Let go and let God work things out in your life.

Let God’s love lead the way

Love affords us the opportunity to be at peace. Listen to how God talks to you and comforts you:

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5.7

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29.11

“If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.” John 15.7

When anxiety was great within me, Your consolation brought me joy. Psalm 94:19

“And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Comforter, [the Holy Spirit] to help you and be with you forever.” John 14:16

Will life bring hurtful situations? Sure, that’s life. But the grace to handle those situations should flow from a place within us where we are confident in who we are, confident in God’s love toward us, and that we know we’ve done our best.

The understanding of God’s love remedies codependency

Ask God for wisdom about this and ask Him to open the scriptures to you. He’ll lead you to the right people who can teach you and feed you the pure milk and substantial meat of the word of God. God never disappoints!

“Only ask, and I will give you the nations as your inheritance, the whole earth as your possession.” Psalm 2.8 (wow! God always goes above and beyond)

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. James 1.5

Taking the first steps forward to love

So then, dealing with the controlling, fear-based approach to love and patiently changing that into an ability to allow people to come and go from our lives without reacting negatively and trying to control them is a good step forward.

Putting God first, serving others, working on ourselves by asking God to increase our knowledge and being open and vulnerable (with God’s help, prayer is the most powerful force on earth) is another good step forward.

Love is the freedom to let go

Learning how to process hurt and rejection so that it is understood as a feeling separate from our worth and value is so extremely important to our healing and growth as individuals. Remember, we want people who stick with us because they choose to stick! We want people who come into our lives and bring beneficial positive contributions longterm, where the equality is on-point and the partnership is mutual.

We don’t want to keep people in our lives we feel compelled to control, who don’t care to stick with us and leave us feeling anxious all the time. Controlling behavior is toxic, negative, unfulfilling and hollow. When we allow people to come and go freely, then those left in our lives are the result of genuine mutual interest. Once we better understand this, when quality connections come into our lives we’ll be able to make positive connections and keep them. Putting in the extra effort then will be rewarding when the feeling is mutual and each individual has excersised freedom in their choice of each other.

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4.18

God’s love instills us with courage

Perfect love casts out all fear. God can help us with this understanding. It’s His love that endures all things. What I am writing about is not a simple, easy change. This takes work – a lot of hard introspective and difficult work on oneself. It has taken me years and I’m still growing every day in the ability to become more vulnerable and less defensive. I’m not writing about something I don’t know and haven’t struggled with – and one thing’s for sure, God has made ALL the difference. His love is perfect over us..

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 Love never fails.

We can learn to love each other with His love and not our own, broken, selfish love.

But letting the right people move freely into and out of our lives means that the ones who stick are the ones that are real, true, committed and pure in their intentions. These are the bonds we should look to nurture.

Embrace love, trust in God and let everything go. Instead of wasting energy and time controlling people, let’s use those precious commodities to love others. Know that it’s a process that starts small and then grows with time. Those who stay are the real deal and worth our time. Whoever doesn’t stay leaves room for the real to show up and form secure bonds which will last and fulfill us for life.

Featured Image by Karim MANJRA 

I Slept, But My Heart was Awake

On By Ashley GatewoodIn Love:: Lifestyle:: Health2 Comments

Song of Solomon is a fascinating dance between two lovers unmistakably bound to each other yet struggle to make a connection they both long for. It’s beautiful, haunting and perfectly revealing of the human condition. This parallels God’s pursuit of mankind – the love of God faithfully wooing us, in spite of our sin, never giving up drawing us nearer to Him.

Surely I would have given up if not for His faithfulness to find me time and time again.

Song of Solomon Chapter Five

I slept, but my heart was awake.
A sound! My beloved is knocking.
“Open to me, my sister, my love,
    my dove, my perfect one,
for my head is wet with dew,
    my locks with the drops of the night.”
3 I had put off my garment;
    how could I put it on?
I had bathed my feet;
    how could I soil them?
4 My beloved put his hand to the latch,
    and my heart was thrilled within me.
5 I arose to open to my beloved,
    and my hands dripped with myrrh,
my fingers with liquid myrrh,
    on the handles of the bolt.
6 I opened to my beloved,
    but my beloved had turned and gone.
My soul failed me when he spoke.
I sought him, but found him not;
    I called him, but he gave no answer.
7 The watchmen found me
    as they went about in the city;
they beat me, they bruised me,
    they took away my veil,
    those watchmen of the walls!
8 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
    if you find my beloved,
that you tell him
    I am faint with love.

For more on the Song of Solomon A Seal Upon Your Heart delves into God’s protection over us when navigation relationships.

Taking a Closer Look

Now I am no religious scholar but I see a lot in these verses, and these two figures haunt me – I think we can all relate to both the Lover and the Beloved at times. So let’s look into these verses from the perspective of the human condition..

I slept, but my heart was awake. (Wow, so much in just one sentence. I’ve been here before – the mind shuts down, turns off and forgets. Love hurts sometimes. The intellect really can’t comprehend love – it’s lost to it. But the heart, it keeps beating, waiting, watching for what it is looking for and knows it immediately even if the mind is still asleep and unable to make the connection.)


A sound! My beloved is knocking. (The heart hears it but the mind is still playing catch-up..)
“Open to me, my sister, my love,
    my dove, my perfect one,
for my head is wet with dew,
    my locks with the drops of the night.” (Sensual and alluring. At this point, I’m wondering, where did he go? And how long has he been looking for her? Where has her Lover been that he is now in such a state? The passing of time can be cruel to the soul.)


3 I had put off my garment;
    how could I put it on?
I had bathed my feet;
    how could I soil them? (So here we find her hesitating to move toward him. It’s as if she made the decision to move on and change her clothes, change her circumstances and situation, put off the old and put on something new because – well – maybe she thought he wasn’t coming back. She was comfortable and sleeping (though her heart was awake and wouldn’t let her go) she’s going through the motions until the knock and voice of her lover jarred her – now she’s questioning, ‘what to do?’ She wasn’t expecting him..


4 My beloved put his hand to the latch,
    and my heart was thrilled within me. (He grew impatient. One translation says ‘My beloved thrust his hand through the latch-opening.’ The symbolic intimacy of this verse is undeniable: love will pierce our strongest defenses and break through the walls we build around us which we think protect us but really only bury us. Love causes us to arise from our cold slumber. Love breaks through the lock she had placed on the door and she is moved, excited, hopeful and anticipating a positive exchange with her Lover.


5 I arose to open to my beloved,
    and my hands dripped with myrrh,
my fingers with liquid myrrh,
    on the handles of the bolt. (Oh my goodness! She’s anointed herself for him and changed her course. She’s fully awake. But it’s too late! She hesitated, dithered about, questioned for too long – and now, though she makes haste to the door to throw the latch, her hands are too slippery with oil and she’s unable to get a good grip. So more time passes fumbling around with the lock until…..


6 I opened to my beloved,
    but my beloved had turned and gone.
My soul failed me when he spoke. (It’s heart-wrenching. She’s lost him again.)


I sought him, but found him not;
    I called him, but he gave no answer.
7 The watchmen found me
    as they went about in the city;
they beat me, they bruised me,
    they took away my veil,
    those watchmen of the walls!

The Impact of Love

Love can move us to do things that would otherwise be unthinkable. Love is beautiful. Love is fierce. Who can withstand it? She is laid bare, dignity trampled, pride bruised – those who think they know better for her tell her she’s wrong to be outside, searching the streets like a mad woman and ‘beat her up’ emotionally so-to-speak. I can hear them now ridiculing her; ‘how could you ruin your clothes like this? What were you thinking? Don’t you care how you look? You’re a disgrace for all to see in the city streets.”

But she didn’t care because her heart took over and her intellect finally made the connection. There are those who resist being moved by the power of love while others embrace it, are moved out into the streets by it, hair dripping with the dew of the night, tossing-turning struggling to understand it, care less what others think about it – they are all in. Unrelenting, passionate and unwavering in pursuit of their beloved…


8 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
    if you find my beloved,
that you tell him
    I am faint with love.

Featured Image: ‘Song of Songs IV’ by Marc Chagall 1958

Want more information about different interpretations of Song of Solomon? Check out Britanica’s insightful article Song of Solomon Biblical Canticle

A Seal Upon Your Heart

On By Ashley GatewoodIn Love:: Lifestyle:: HealthLeave a comment

Let me be a seal upon your heart, 
Like the seal upon your hand. 
For love is fierce as death, 
Passion is mighty as Sheol; 
Its darts are darts of fire, 
A blazing flame. 
Vast floods cannot quench love, 
Nor rivers drown it.” ~Song of Songs 8.6-7

I wish I could speak more eloquently about this verse. Passion without God, to me, is a fire that will consume everything without mercy. It is ignorant of itself and has no proper direction. It’s a carnal love that excludes the spiritual aspect, and leaves only the fallen nature of human beings trying to connect to each other without the divine cords of God’s love leading them.

But when love and passion have God’s seal upon them, it’s like the fire which set the bush in the desert aflame, yet did not consume it. There is direction, hope, faithfulness and truth within the connection as well as an unquenchable fiery passion as fierce as death because the fingerprint of God is woven into it. Where there is wisdom and love, passion can exist without harm.

Passion can be disastrous when separated from God – after all, God is love which is gentle, patient and kind. Passion is hollow, draining and dissolves into lust without the protective seal of the Holy Spirit. But a union solidified with God’s love is satisfying and transcending when God is understood to be the giver of it. Love fulfills it’s purpose when God is invited into a union. Then the passion, the fire and all that comes with it can be experienced with trust, happiness and freedom because there is no fear of harm in it.

The above verse from Song of Songs is written by the Beloved, in-other-words, the woman. A beautiful expression laid down into scripture as a means to understand Jesus’ love for His Church. The Holy Spirit used a woman’s sentiment to express this love – I find that powerful and beautiful.

Featured Image taken at the Cincinnati Art Museum exhibit: “No Spectators: The Art of Burning Man” 2019